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Wind Of Change

It’s been a while since I last wrote a piece that wasn’t a review. There are so many reasons for that and I even know where to begin, but I think the title sums it all up pretty well. A few things are changing around me, and change is something I yearn for, but at the same time fear with all myself.

You know that feeling when you feel constrained in the place where you’re at, and you think about what you’d like to change and how, but the moment you actually have a chance to do so it all actually turns to dreadful. “What if I get to a place that’s worse than where I am now?” But you still need to move from where you are.

I usually tend to dread the last month of the year and the idea of looking back of what I’ve accomplished in the past 12 months. It’s something I can’t really avoid doing, no matter how much I hate it. And in the past few years, I’ve always had the impression that nothing had moved for me, or that I’d made a few steps backwards.

And maybe I did that too in 2023. The feeling of being stuck has been with me for the entire year: the knee injury forcing me to stay put and making me a lot more insecure about my snowboarding. Not having the “We Gotta Get Out” manuscript ready for publication yet. Ending a 9 1/2 years relationship after months and months of feeling out of place every time we were together.

But you see, I also had promised something to myself at the beginning of 2023: that no matter the cost, I was going to go for a job that I’d love doing. That meant studying a lot of 3D graphics and all the related maths, but deep down I felt that it was time. Losing a job I loved in early 2020 sucked, especially before the job I found right after that had none of the appeal of the one I’d just lost all of a sudden. Still, it was a much safer job: this made it even worse to think about it, because it felt like I was staying content in a sort of comfort zone.

Well, I finally can say that I fulfilled that resolution I made back in January: I’ve just been made a job offer I didn’t think it was possible just one month ago. And I still can’t believe that’s real, but I’ve got an email to remind me.

So yes, I’m not totally sure where I wanted to go with this post. Maybe it’s the classic “careful what you wish for” cautionary tale, maybe it’s an attempt at crystallize what’s changing around me trying to make sense of it. Maybe it’s just trying to say it out loud to make it less scary than it is

Whatever it turns out to be, and wherever you’re reading it from (either geographically or in the metaphorical sense), I hope your 2023 was as interesting as mine, and that 2024 will bring quiet, satisfaction, or whatever it is you need in your life.

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